Study Finds Wedding Will Either Inspire Woman to Marry Boyfriend or Break Up With Him “Either it will be beautiful and reignite your belief in love, or it will be sad and existentially terrifying.”
‘I Don’t Care, You Pick,’ Says Friend Engaging in Psychological Warfare “It’s clear now: my roommate is evil and is out to destroy me mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.”
Woman Eyes Boyfriend Suspiciously After Realizing That All Her Exes Ugly Lenore’s friends said that, yes, this obviously was the case.
REPORT: Young Woman Unfamiliar With Hope “I’m well acquainted with your run-of-the-mill negative emotions like sadness, despair, and disbelief.”
Woman Unfamiliar With Positive Political News Throws Computer Out of Habit “How do people process positive news?”
Woman Apologizes to Dead Bug as if Her Guilt Will Purify Her “She apologized, but the spider was too dead to notice.”
Awkward! Best Friend Just Referred to You as Her Coworker “Take a stake and drive it through my heart, why don’t you?”
How Times Change! 30-Year-Old Woman Would Actually Be Really Excited to Receive an Edible Arrangement How the years fly by!
Woman in Desperate Need of Therapist Who Can Slap Her “I need my therapist to stop this destructive downward spiral by hitting me in the face.”
REPORT: Ankle Socks Only Used When All Other Socks Ripped, Burned, or Otherwise Dead “If I’m wearing ankle socks, please check in.”
Entire Trajectory of Woman’s Life Changed by Singular Good Bowel Movement “It was so good I finally found the energy to apply to my dream job.”
Facebook Marketplace Interaction 20% About Furniture, 80% About Desire to Be Chased It’s about feeding the deep psychological desire to be sought after.
Woman Entering Grocery Store Loses Capacity to Plan More Than Two Meals Ahead “I guess for lunch I’ll have corn?”
REPORT: Boyfriend Stuck in Duvet Cover “He told me he had this ‘special way’ to put a duvet cover back on.”
Group Text Celebrates 500th Consecutive Day of Being Active Nonstop “My phone buzzes every nine minutes exactly.”
Woman Spends Entirety of 30s Resting Between Sets at the Gym “A decade is roughly enough time to start to feel like I’m ready to start that second set.”
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