THOUGHTS: OUR BLOGGERS
This year I realized my husband’s been spending too much time planting tomato seeds in the garden and not enough time banging the shit out of me. I didn’t know what to do about it. I needed some aggression in my life. And then I found her: Wantana, my bikini waxer.
Valentine’s Day is a day of love and celebration. And while I haven’t had a boyfriend, and I often feel very alone in this world, there are many reasons I get still excited about this amorous holiday:
My boyfriend Matt and I have been living together in our 300 sq. ft. studio apartment in the Upper East Side for three months, and I am done. No really—I’m done with all of it. I’m done with work, showering, friends, and the outside world. I’m staying put here in this tiny, stuffy space, with just the two of us. I deserve this intense happiness.
As a true fashionista, I show 100% commitment to all trends, especially the ones that make you look like you’re carrying a load in your pants. Harem pants aren’t going anywhere, and as long as they’re here, I’m taking full advantage.
I’m sorry, I know skinny jeans are all the rage these days, and no mother wants to see their child left out, but your child really isn’t skinny enough to be wearing them.
Since my daughter was born, I’ve been waiting for the moment when Chloe and would call to tell me: “Mom, I’ve been invited to four weddings this April.” Every mother – especially one with a daughter in her mid-thirties – can imagine how overjoyed I am to support her emotionally and financially as she enters this next phase of her friends’ lives.
5 Things I’d Like my Future Daughter to Know About Being Held Captive in a Basement Against her Will
As my three-month-old daughter, Chloê, sleeps in the solarium, her soft head gently nestled in the crook of my neck, I realize there’s so much she has yet to understand about her future. She’s far too young to understand that one day, she too will be kidnapped by a wild-eyed ex-con, but still I have the urge to whisper it into her soft downy hair:
Are you ever certain you know something, but not so certain that you’d call yourself sure of it? Well, here’s what I’ve come to know for sure about knowing things for sure, in my experiences with knowing things for sure:
If I hear one more girl walking down the street saying that her life is fulfilled by her choice of nail polish, I am going to scream.
Before you inundate me with letters and postcards and emails, hear me out: My daughter Verahnika (spelling changed for purposes of this article) has had a very easy life. Bike helmets. Seatbelt laws. Panty hose. No smoking in utero. An trophy just for playing in a softball game. DVR. Tampons.
The author of this article would like to begin by stating that she did not even want to address this issue. In fact, she is quite certain that this topic is beneath her, and given her druthers, she would not even acknowledge it.
Wow – there’s been a LOT of talk about stirring up controversy this week! The latest opinions on stirring up controversy broke on Reddit and were picked up by the blogs. Cable news brought in Controversy Experts for 24/7 coverage. As an Internet journalist who has taken an online course in SEO, I’m proud to tackle the stirring up controversy issue.