Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Morning Dread-Filled Stare At The Ceiling
Without allowing fear and anxiety to overpower my body for a solid twenty, I wouldn’t be able to cope with simultaneously being awake and being a person.
How Fighting Those Chainsaw-Wielding Psychopaths Saved My Toxic Marriage
A night of traumatic horror also provides you with an opportunity to show your guy a whole new side of yourself.
7 Reasons Why You NEED to Help Me Get This Poem to Channing Tatum
Reason #3: I respectfully acknowledge the existence of his wife.
All the Good Men Are Gay, Taken, Or Don’t Have A Sturdy Enough Dick
Bye, Pedro. It just wasn’t meant to be. Sorry your dick fell off.
Should I Have Kids or Just Poop All Over My House Myself?
The decision to have kids is a tough one—after all, I could much more easily soil the place with my own shit.
I Don’t Have White Fragility, Okay? Get Off My Back!
I think it’s time to take a break from discussing the Black Lives Matter movement to address the recent negativity I’ve received.
Our Friend Group Decided to Drop Stephanie For No Reason. Here’s Why.
Our friend group works in mysterious ways.
I Got Confused About What the ‘No Poo’ Movement Is and Now I’m in the Hospital
I did feel immediate results (bloating, back pain, sweating) before I went totally unconscious.
Will You Be My Bridesmaid (Second Alternate)?
Hey lady! How are you? Sorry I haven’t been in touch since you had the baby! Work has just been...
I Dated a Rock Star. Didn’t Learn Anything, Just Bragging
His jet-black hair—wait, what I am doing? Of course you know what he looks like—he’s famous!
In the Berenst(E)in Bears Parallel Universe, Ryan and I Are Very Happy
An alternate universe was sprouted sometime in the 1990s where Berenstain is spelled with an A and I am still dating Ryan.
I Prefer Cold Office Buildings Because I Like My Nipples Rock-Hard
As the saying goes, soft-nippled women rarely make history.
I Ran Into My Hometown Ex, This Pool Noodle
I didn’t know what to say, or where to start. “One last swim? For old times sake?”
Facebook is No Place for Political Opinions that Aren’t Mine
Do you want to ruin my day by making me really angry by exposing a worldview that conflicts with my own?
I Don’t Understand Social Issues Unless There Are Disney Princesses Involved
Before I saw Cinderella wearing pants, it never occurred to me.