5 Things I’d Like my Future Daughter to Know About Being Held Captive in a Basement Against her Will
As my three-month-old daughter, Chloê, sleeps in the solarium, her soft head gently nestled in the crook of my neck, I realize there’s so much she has yet to understand about her future. She’s far too young to understand that one day, she too will be kidnapped by a wild-eyed ex-con, but still I have the urge to whisper it into her soft downy hair:
With all the responsibilities of Motherhood, the words “self-development” sometimes seem like a faint echo from another time. The Sundays I used to spend luxuriating in bed journaling about my feelings while my cat napped by my ankles are long gone. But as I’ve grown more accustomed to being a mother to three amazing children, I’ve learned that the best way to access my higher self is actually directly through them!
When it comes to your health, the best doctor isn’t your doctor – it is your own inner wisdom. Instead of running to a Western doctor at the first sign of trouble this flu season, consider that you may just be in the process of a spiritual awakening.
Nothing’s more natural than incorporating animals and exercise – and what animal and exercise pairing is more natural than yoga on dolphins? Check out these inspiring photos of the remarkable people who’ve combined their love of yoga and dolphins:
Being a knockout is not always a bag of roses. Sure, everyone thinks they know what it’s like to be attractive, but until you are ridiculously, shockingly hot, you have no idea what it feels like to bear this burden. Here’s ten things us hot people know about the challenges that come from being way hotter than just regular hot:
Ever since the dawn of civilization, womankind has used All Hallows Eve as a way of becoming empowered. All Hallow’s Eve was invented for girl pagans to walk around all hot and naked – not just to impress their male pagan coworkers, but to feel way better about themselves in a strong, feminist way,
In key moments of happiness and growth in our lives, it is important that we share our joy and growth with others – particularly a vulnerable, domesticated animal that will love you unconditionally for the next fifteen years.
Hey guys! If you’re wondering what I’ve been up to since infamously sexting with former Congressman Anthony Weiner, I’ll let you in on a secret: I’ve been hard at work creating my personal brand! A personal brand is a business plan you create by distilling your personal strengths and weaknesses into a cocktail essence of you, which you then sacrifice on the altar of capitalism.
You’ve read so many self-help books, and now you’re ready to write your own! This means you’ve already emerged from stages of denial and codependency. I want you to recognize this, feel it, and celebrate it. Are you? Are you celebrating? Wonderful. Carry that warm feeling with you as you take ownership of writing