Jay Crew Exclusive: Sarah Michelle Gellar Claims Reese Always Drunk, Kristy Swanson a Devastated Mess
Sarah Michelle Gellar

Reductress’ notorious gossip columnist Jay Crew gets the filthiest gossip from the trashiest celebs.
 
Emmy Award-winning actress Sarah Michelle Gellar stars opposite Robin Williams in
The Crazy Ones on CBS this fall. She sat down with Reductress’ Jay Crew to discuss the show.
 
R: Okay, first things first. We have to call my girl, Moranda. She is such a Buffy fan. She is going to fucking die.
SMG: Oh, okay. Sure.
R: Hold on. It’s ringing. Here, leave a message.
SMG: Hi…
R: Moranda.
SMG: Moranda. This is Sarah.
R: Michelle Gellar. Say the full thing.
SMG: Michelle Gellar and I’m here with Jay to talk about my new sitcom, The Crazy Ones.
R: Tell her that you and Xander need her to get to Sunnydale ASAP.
SMG: Ok. Moranda, we need you to… Sorry. It stopped recording.
R: That’s fine. I just needed to Cruel Intentions her ass a little. Bay-sic-ully, she got naked-wasted on the Mad Dog 20/20 Slushees they were serving at this A.P.C. rooftop party we were at in DUMBO last week and she’s like like, ‘You’re this basement blogger basic bitch’, blah blah blah, something about me having Richard Grieco hair and being “so Cincinnati” and then the next day she’s texting me cutesy emoji of sushi and a 9pm clock and it’s like no I don’t want to go to dinner and pretend like you didn’t just Danielle Staub my night and then go home with the cater waiter who you totally agreed looked like a taller version of my ex, Gabe. Not Gabe Delahaye or Liedman, even though I’d make an amazing power-bottom power-couple with either one. The other Gabe you don’t know. He works at Jil Sander.
SMG: Wow. That’s a lot. I have to deal with some pretty difficult scenarios on The Crazy Ones.
R: What’s that?
SMG: The show I’m in with Robin Williams this fall. That’s what’s on the poster behind me.
R: Who styled you on this show? It looks like they put you back in the beat-up Bynes wig from the first half of I Know What You Did Last Summer. You deserve better.
SMG: My character is the Type-A daughter to an eccentric, successful ad executive, which Robin plays masterfully.
R: Okay, Type-A opposite the Aladdin genie essentially means you’re Abu. You a monkey. Who is your agent? Tell him that this Pam Dawber bullshit isn’t cutting it.
SMG: I’m actually very excited about the project. It also stars Hamish Linklater.
R: What’s a Hamish Linklater?
SMG: He’s hilarious. You probably remember him from The New Adventures of Old Christine.
R: Uh, yeah. I’ve flown Delta domestic. Okay, let’s see. I asked that. I asked that. Scroll, scroll. Oh yeah. Was Reese always a drunk?
SMG: I’m sorry but we’re supposed to be discussing The Crazy Ones.
R: Mmm hmm. “No comment” and “the crazy one.” I hear you loud and clear, SMG. Okay, let’s talk a non-Luke-Perry Buffy movie. What are the odds and would you have to play the mom? Mia Wasikowska for Buffy 2013, right? Abigail Breslin instead?
SMG: Jay.
R: Stop. I’m so dying. I’m the undead.
SMG: I’m not discussing Buffy.
R: Uh, well, do you want anyone to read this because no one’s tuning in for the hot gossip on you and Mrs. Doubtfire.
SMG: I think we’re through here.
R: You know, Kristy Swanson went on and on about Buffy when I interviewed her on the set of Skating with Celebrities.
SMG: I’m sure she did.
R: Okurrrrrrr. Yes she did call out ol’ Auntie Hunty. “I’m sure she did.” This interview just got good.
SMG: That’s not how I meant it.
R: That’s how I heard it and, in this business, that’s what we call a headline. “Sarah Michelle Gellar: Reese Always a Drunk, Kristy Swanson a Devastated Mess.” Click, click, cash.
SMG: None of that is true. Do not print that.
R: Get me a nude shot of David Boreanaz and that headline never sees the light of day.
SMG: I don’t have one. I wouldn’t do that if I did.
R: Tough titty. I think we’re done here. Hold on – Mo just texted eight question marks and four exclamation points. Exactly, heifer. Basement blogger my ass. I’m mother fucking Giuliana DePandi-Rancic!
SMG: You’ll be hearing from my lawyer, Jay.
R: If he-slash-she’s anything like your agent, I’m not worried. Slayed! Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
 
Correction: *Mrs. Laura Jeanne Witherspoon-Phillippe-Toth, according to our legal department, is not allowed to be identified as a drunk. **Mrs. Gellar-Prinze, Jr. also did not identify Mrs. Swanson-Eisler as a “devastated mess.” Lastly, it is unethical, according to the Society of Professional Journalists, to demand nude photos in exchange for positive coverage. Reductress regrets the error.

by Editor